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Thankful, Grateful, Blessed

Did you know there is a difference between thankful and grateful? I was this years old when I figured that out. I even have a wood plaque thinger on my counter in the kitchen that says “Thankful, Grateful, Blessed” It was a gift from a dear friend so I put it up and never really considered the depth of it. I’ve had it for almost 4 years now. I do remember thinking it was a little redundant… silly me.

Thankfulness is often associated with either words or gesture of appreciation.
Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines thankful as “conscious of benefits received”. It is a conscious act from the person who received the benefits. It can be an automatic response most of the time. Just like a habit, you automatically say thank you to the people who have helped you when you needed it.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines grateful as “appreciative of benefits received”. It is a way of expressing appreciation with or without an act. Grateful is a sense of feeling that happens at a deeper level that comes from within your heart. When you feel grateful for something, you can express your feelings without using words or any physical act. It can be from within.

Have you ever written a grateful note? Nope. It’s a thank you note. The act of writing and sending.
Do you celebrate Gratitudegiving? Nope. Thanksgiving is an act… an event.

Grateful is a feeling while thankful is an act. When someone does something good to you, you feel grateful for him, and you offer your thanks to him as an action.

Colossians 3:12-17 Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness,^(Y) humility,^(Z) gentleness,^(AA) and patience,^(AB)13bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive.^(AC) ¹⁴Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. ¹⁵And let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called^(AD) in one body, rule your hearts. And be thankful. ¹⁶Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs,^[d] singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name^(AE) of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:12 uses both thankful and gratitude. Paul is telling the church to do and be these things, while the condition of their heart is gratitude.

^{Colossians 4:2}Devote yourselves to prayer; stay alert in it with thanksgiving.

Hebrews 12:28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe.
Hebrews tell us to be thankful with the act of worship. We don’t worship to GET all the feels we worship to show our thankfulness to and for God.

As I’ve shared in previous posts the last 3 years have been especially refining. I can know comprehend and the difference between the two. As I focus less on being critical on every thing all the time I find myself more grateful. A critical spirit has been replaced by a grateful spirit. Which is then followed by doing more things out of thankfulness. Like my little plaque says I now see how “blessed” I am more clearly. They all go hand in hand.

The cool part of this picture is whats around it as well. I have my fig tree (yes… I’ll explain that in another post. 😉 ), my little houses stand that reminds me to make becoming a “Bethany House” duplicatable, and flowers from my mom and girls. All reminders of growth and blessings.

I am grateful.

How Much Wisdom is in your Bethany House Pantry?

1 Peter 2 starts off talking about getting rid of the ugly things in our life, which I mentioned in my earlier posts about cleaning out your Bethany House.

2:1 Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.

Peter then says that we should grow up in our salvation. Get rid of the nonsense and GROW UP… experience God and realize how GREAT He is!

2 Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation,3 now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

How does one GROW UP in the Lord?

Wisdom.

Gaining knowledge of course. Even better is that it’s endless! Trying to know and understand God is a lifelong education. You can’t finish learning about Him. What we are able to understand should blow our mind! If it doesn’t… we must keep digging. The way the Old Testament shows up in the New Testament… so cool. Or just look at nature! IF you can’t get out or travel the simple task of watching shows or photos about the earth is fascinating. From the epic forests and jungles to the chemicals in the leaves that give them their color or change color in seasons. Its truly remarkable. I can’t even draw stick people correctly much less try to create anything similar to His creation.

Proverbs 1:7

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Yesterday I took my girls to a movie at the theatre near where I grew up. The wave of memories was like being in a movie where they have crazy flashbacks! I was overwhelmed by the memories and so grateful that I have GROWN UP. What a pain in the neck I was! Thankfully, my parents instilled in us the need and required us to be in church if we weren’t deathly ill. Even in my rebellion and stupidity I made it to church. Our church had outgrown its building, so our youth group met at this theatre on Sunday mornings. I am so thankful that even though I lived an “I’ll ask for forgiveness later” lifestyle, I loved and respected God enough to keep showing up. Many seeds were planted despite my being a fool who despised wisdom and discipline. Today’s fruit is the result of those seeds planted years ago. Today, there’s truth in the pantry, ready whenever I need it.

Proverbs 9:10

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

Our world doesn’t appear to be fearful of God. Look around… we’re a wreck. We’ve stopped knowing God for how big and powerful he is. Instead, we treat him like a vending machine for our prayer requests. It’s sad. Everyday activities consume and distract us to the point that we completely forget about eternity. We spend our vapor of a life here on earth trying to make it the best one possible instead of focusing on what life eternal will be like for us and the people around us.

Pursue Him. He’s worth it. Store up wisdom! How much wisdom is in your pantry?

Make sure there’s plenty. Is there enough to share with others?

We’ve got to know him with our heads and with our hearts. The resources we have to learn about God are more available than ever. The options for education are endless, and we have ample opportunity to use what He teaches us. That’s where wisdom comes in. Y’all if you have committed your life to Christ the Holy Spirit walks around with you, pointing out how to use what you know! How priceless!

Not sure where to even begin? Ask God for help and then work for it.

James 1:5
If any of your lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him.

Now forgive yourself…

Have you ever had an old sin or habit come back and bite you? (raises hand)

Recently something I had dealt with and been forgiven for by God and my friends parked it’s struggle bus in my driveway. It reminded me of what a foolish brat I had been and struggle not to be. Fortunately the friend who I ran over with said struggle bus is kind. We talked things out and I owned all the things, but when I hung up I punished myself all over again.

“Who did you think you were when you did that, honestly?”
“Thought you’d just walk away from this unscathed? Please.”
“You. Still. Suck”

Thankfully the words of a counselor I saw in my teen years (yep… the struggle bus has been around a long time) came back to me.

“Bethany, you have repented and are forgiven by God. When you wallow in shame or punish yourself out of guilt for something that has already been paid for… you are saying that the price Jesus paid on the cross for you isn’t good enough.”

Whoa. #micdrop

I can still see the almost smirk on his kind face, knowing he just struck a chord. Sitting in his office with tears in my eyes. “Could you say that again?” So he did and the weight of my shame lifted away.

I am forgiven and am so thankful Jesus did that for me.

Cleaning a Bethany House

I knew that my next post about a Bethany House would be on forgiveness and I have been tossing around ideas. Then walking out of Meijer I saw this poster…

My heart sank.

You guys…

EVERY SECOND THAT UNFORGIVENESS EXISTS, SATAN WINS!
EVERY SECOND PRIDE EXISTS, SATAN WINS!
STOP IT!

***I have not read her books nor will I. Seeing her new title sealed the deal. I find my strength in Christ alone and left to my own devices I will be discouraged constantly. Ain’t got time for that!***

If you are in the wrong. If you aren’t in the wrong but have hurt someone.
Apologize.
Be humble.
Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.

If you need to forgive someone. Do it. Sometimes that means forgiving them 100 times a day. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’ve been there and it’s really hard, but the Devil had won enough in my life and I had had it. Over time 100 becomes 50. 50 becomes 20. 20 becomes 2. Then that struggle bus only rolls around once in a great while. Be gone with it.

I remember sitting in the church basement for Jr Hi youth group while the teacher drew a stick figure house with rooms on a whiteboard and talked about how our heart is like a home. We must clean it including the closets where no one goes or we think is hidden from everyone. The ugly. Confess it. Ask forgiveness and make room for good. Get all Marie Kondo on your heart!

***Teachers and youth leaders, you never know what a kid might pick up! 24 years later I’m still gaining from what they taught me. Keep going! Your voice speaking truth matters. ***

I surrendered and begged God for forgiveness but the need for forgiveness from some people in my life still nagged at me. Anytime obedience came up I had this tug to apologize to certain people. To tell someone you are sorry for something they don’t even know you did/said is humbling. OK, weird.

Could I have gone without telling I ran my mouth and was wrong? Sure.

Is God’s forgiveness ultimately the one I want? Absolutely.

For me, it needed to be done.

The process showed me two things.
1. I never want to do that again so I watch my mouth more 😉 #liveandlearn 2. The response of the people I apologized to was very telling of our relationship.
One friend who has been steadfast and forgiving just said “Huh. This is amazing. I’ve never had anyone do this before. Of course I forgive you.”

Absolute mercy humbled me to tears. I can only pray that would be my response should I be on the receiving end. It definitely shook up some people; some burned bridges, which I expected. I had to re-earn trust I had broken.

I never intended to share this story, but it played a massive role in the start of refining who God wants me to be. Go ahead and think me crazy, but I think people should do this more often! Sadly, asking for forgiveness – and giving it – is a never-ending process and I am committed to being in constant awareness of my flaws.

Psalm 32:5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not conceal my iniquity. I said “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Confess. Even when it’s hard. (see 1 John 1.9)

Forgive. Even when it seems impossible. (see Matthew 18.21-22)

Think about Who has forgiven you… for all the things (hint… it’s GOD) (see Romans 5.8)

One more thing. You’ll sleep better.

There’s an old proverb: There is no pillow so soft as that of a clear conscience.

But no. I’m not reading her book. There’s a better one!

I took a deep breath of relief today.

My natural inclination when doing a Bible study is to relate and try to apply before actually considering context and history. I am thankful for authors like Jen Wilkin who cause readers to first learn what the Bible says, then apply. It’s been a challenge and refreshing at the same time to remove my today-self from the picture as I study God’s word. It’s not about me and I like it.

The study we are doing right now at church is on The Book of Genesis, and we’ve spent weeks focused on Abraham and Sarah. I’ve learned so much! At the same time, the story of their infertility has weighed heavy on me. I found myself feeling shame for not having enough faith like they did. This was not a new feeling as I’ve questioned the strength of my faith in 20/20 hindsight of our own journey. When it came up about the shame Sarah must have felt when she realized Hagar was pregnant that she, in fact, was the problem, it hit me hard. I too am the problem of our infertility. Even as I type “I am the problem” I cringe…

Let me rewind a bit, my name is Bethany and I’m infertile. My husband, Karl and I struggled for 2 years to get pregnant and then suffered 2 miscarriages before having our oldest. I ran an infertility support group for Southeastern Wisconsin for many years and still keep tabs on these special women. Being an “Infertile Mertyle” was bittersweet. You form an incredible sisterhood with the ladies in your group, but once you have the desire of your heart, Things change. Nine years later I’m still friends with many of them. If you are struggling… find a support group or start one! I will save the details for another day, but my outlook changed so much when I took the energy from my anxiety and used it to bless others. That’s where God showed me joy in sorrow!

Anyway, today in our study we kept on with Abraham & Sarah. Jen Wilkins kicked off her talk by addressing those with infertility and how we should take a deep breath. Instantly, my eyes were wide with attention. She went on to say that Sarah’s story is about the children of God, not something to use to shame ourselves with a lack of faith. We are not to compare ourselves to this situation because it’s not the same. God used them to show his power by miraculously giving them Isaac. Jen also addressed those who speak into infertiles lives, to not tell them they can’t have children because of their lack of faith and they should be more like Sarah. By now I have a massive lump in my throat and am desperately trying to hold it together. The shame began to melt away. The pressure melted away. I took a deep breath like she said and thanked God for His timing.

See, last month I got 48 hours of my own version of a miracle. It’s been 5 years since I’ve had a positive pregnancy test. Out of nowhere on January 14th I had one. I had not been feeling like myself for a couple of weeks and even Karl questioned my sanity. (Haha…. Not the first time) The dear man even took a video talking to me because I was acting so strange, and he wanted me to see it. 🙂 So I took test after test and they were negative. Eventually, I had had enough and vowed one more test and then I’m off to the dr because this is ridiculous.

SWEET MERCY – IT WAS POSITIVE!

Jaw to the floor.

I stood there stunned. I’ve never gotten pregnant without meds and IUI’s, so this was uncharted territory. My mind was spinning! On one hand, I was freaked out of my mind. I was content with our family as it is. On the other hand, I could NOT WAIT to shout God’s praises of how only He could have done this. I’ve tried all the things to get pregnant …lose weight, essential oils, foods, exercise, supplements… the list is sadly long. Nothing had ever worked and at this point of life, I wasn’t doing anything to try to make it happen! It was 100% Gods glory to have and no other reason could be given. After a blood test confirmed that I was pregnant, I packed up the test and wrapped it in a cute boys Cedarville onesie that I’d been hoarding after hi-jacking it from clothes my sister in law donated a LONG time ago. (sorry Kelly ;)) I drove to Karls office, asked him to meet me out in the car and handed it to him. He was stunned. I’d never had the chance to stun him with the news because it was always so planned out and terrifying. SO this was fun for me! I knew better than to get my hopes up, but when I woke up 2 days later feeling great, my heart sank. I’d felt this exact way before… PTSD set in and I dragged myself to another blood draw only to find out the numbers had dropped and I would miscarry. My mind was spinning yet again!

WHY?! What was the point of this?!

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

A friend told me it was like a door that I thought was closed and locked had opened …and then slammed… on my fingers. Exactly.

I wanted so desperately to have a story to show God’s “BIGness”!!! I grieved the chance to shout it from the rooftops until His waves of peace and joy in sorrow washed over me. Instead of raving about this human blessing coming my way, I can rave about the fact that he gifted me peace and an unexplainable closeness to Him. My heart aches for those who don’t know Him, walking around in this world hurting when God is ready and willing to walk with you and hold your hand. Please… seek Him. Pursue Him. I cannot tell you how mind-blowingly BIG and awesome our God is. My own mind can’t wrap around it. Ask me anything and if I don’t know I’ll seek it out with you! You won’t be sorry.

I have a song for everything. This is my song that I had on repeat during it all….

Stop. Just STOP it.

On Monday at 2:15 pm I posted that I was starting a blog.

At 2:16 pm my anxiety kicked in. I wanted to change my mind and delete it all. I could see and hear it all in my head:

People screenshotting my post and texting it to someone “of course she did… #eyeroll”

“Oh great… now we can hear more about God and all the “great” things. #annoying”

“Who does she think she is?”

“She just wants to be famous…good luck” (I don’t to be clear)

“YAY! Another blog to NOT read! “

Stop it.

Caught off guard by how panicked I felt, I actually flipped to my heart rate monitor on my watch to see just how ridiculous this was. The only perk to my racing heart was maybe burning a few extra calories. I closed my computer, pushed my phone away and grabbed my journal. “God, what is happening? Why am I so freaked out about this? My confidence is in You, not others’ opinions. Please use this for your glory.”

Have you ever done or not done something because you were afraid of what people would think or say? All the stinkin’ time! This blog and many other things would have happened much, much sooner if my own insecurity wasn’t an issue. Naturally, I am a fearful person. Always have been. Do you know what exacerbates that? Being critical.

A while back I found myself in the mode of constantly looking for the bad in things and people. It was a pretty awful place to exist, not gonna lie. It snuck up on me because I could make it funny. So was it critical if people were laughing? I cringe as I admit to it. We all do it…or so I thought. There are TV shows geared to laughing at someone else’s expense. No big deal! That is until I found myself wanting to do things but being paralyzed by my own judgment and insecurity. I had become enslaved and paralyzed by my own criticism. James 4:10-12 tell us to be humble and not judge others. I was failing at this and it backfired! “If I put myself out there people will destroy me behind my back!”

Staaaaahhhhhhppppp IT!

“You are seriously the most insecure person I have ever met.” burned my ear through the phone. Ouch. I didn’t even realize how out of control it was! My insecurity had spiraled into poor decisions and was leaving a path of destruction in relationships. I needed to just jump off the crazy train, tuck and roll style. I read books about insecurity and became a hermit for a while. It hurt and I didn’t walk away unharmed. My heart, my pride… all the things wounded.

The clouds of guilt and shame have since parted. I enjoy people, social events and life in general so much more now. The one opinion that matters most is God’s. That’s not to say my anxiety and these bad habits don’t try to take me down once in a while. But I am aware now, and I ask forgiveness as soon as I realize it. The more I learn about who God is the more peace I have about who I am. He’s got this, my job is to share Him in an honest, noble, pure, lovely, and admirable way. The peace follows. (Phil 4:8,9)

So invite that person to coffee, plan a dinner with friends, go to that small group. If someone is on your heart or mind… reach out. Just go in with a humble heart and walk away without criticism. Let me tell you the joy that comes when you realize God used you for good. It’s priceless.

Phil 4:8,9 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is love, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

James 4:10-12 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. Don’t criticize one another, brothers and sisters.